Contemplation: Share and Share a Like

[Disclaimer: I do not purport to speak for anyone but myself in this blog post. I take full responsibility for my opinions, no matter how skewed they may seem. :-) qb xx]

After seven years, I have a Like-Dislike relationship with Facebook.

• I like keeping in touch with far-flung family and friends. 
• I like the daft banter. 
• I like that as a single lady living alone it keeps me from feeling isolated. 

(I touched on these first three reasons in my pre-Lenten Facebook fast post.)

• I like tagging friends in photos of things they might like:

{@Amanda... @Lizzie...}

• I also like being tagged in photos of things I might like: 

• I like the fact that objects have been reunited with owners via Facebook. 
• I like it as a wide-reaching platform for sharing causes, raising awareness, or requesting sponsorship.

However:

• I dislike that Facebook has the potential to make folk feel inadequate. 
• I dislike that Facebook has the potential to make folk feel guilty if they don’t Like or Share a viral photo:
  

• I dislike that we rational folk occasionally can’t make the distinction between how our friends live, and how they depict their lives on Facebook.
• I dislike the FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) that Facebook inspires:

Remember those friends of yours? Look! Here they are in this gallery of photos simply bombarded with Likes! They’re all out having the best time WITHOUT YOU. And next time you see them in the Real World, they’re going to reminisce, in front of you, about that great time they had WHILE YOU WEREN’T THERE.

• I dislike that for a long time on Facebook I posted my every waking thought because it seemed the thing to do at the time. Colour me dullard:

• I dislike extensive celebrity eulogies on Facebook by people who are strangers to that celebrity.
• I dislike that the relative isolation of this forum has the potential to turn us in on ourselves until we believe all negative statuses are about us:

• And I dislike that folk can share something that they care about, or are interested in, and have it publicly questioned.

But everything we post is of course open to the response and reaction of our friends. Like it or not.

The simple answer would be, of course, not to share anything on Facebook.

In fact, the simpler answer would be to step away from Facebook altogether.

After all, nobody is legally obliged to use Facebook.

And if you do use it, you can always choose how its content affects your state of mind and your self-worth.

Except of course it's not a conscious choice much of the time.

I draw your attention, dear reader, to this article:

 

I shared the link to this article on my Wall on Thursday with the intention of giving it more considered attention over here on the blog (where my opinions are my own, no matter how skewed, as you know...).

And I was surprised and alarmed by the discussion the article prompted. The thumb of opinion was clearly pointing south.

Having read through the comments again, it appeared to be the perceived tone set by the title – “I’ve done this and so should you” – to which people most objected.

Nevertheless, this is not the first time I’ve posted something with an instructional tone, and sparked off dissent among my friends: 18 Things Everyone Should Start Making Time For Again garnered a similar response which was, "don't tell me what to do!".

The criticism, in both instances, was geared towards the authors of the articles, but as the proverbial Messenger, I unwittingly put myself in the firing line; and naturally I absorbed the criticisms.

After all, there I was, saying, I find this interesting; maybe I should consider taking some of this advice. 

So, in effect, by taking offense at the article, people are taking offense at my opinions. 

I need to point out that by sharing these articles I’m not forcing any instructions on anyone. I'm simply flagging up something that I might implement into my life, as the issue of whether or not to come off Facebook completely has been near the forefront of my mind lately.

I welcomed the suggestion that stepping away from Facebook occasionally might make me feel happier and free up a little more time to do other things such as...

...writing.

And I welcomed the implication that maybe I ought to write more letters by hand, cook a meal from scratch, or just unplug and read a book and suppress that FOMO. 

These, to me, are not bad things to be encouraged to do.

For years I’ve laboured under the misguided belief that your Wall, or your status, is your platform, that whatever you write, you ‘own’, and nobody can justifiably contradict you, outdo you or dismiss you. (They might ‘unfriend’ you as a result of something you've posted, but you will probably never know.)

Likewise, you can empathise on someone else’s Wall, offer advice when requested, Like (or Dislike, but, again, you will probably never know...), share their words and sentiments if you echo them, but let the person ‘own’ that Wall and the sentiments therein.

It doesn’t work like that, though, I've found.

Everything we post is open to the reaction and response of our friends. 

And I was actually quite upset by the reactions to those articles. 

But I accept that it was my own fault for posting on Facebook in the first place when I’m not obliged to do so.

I accept that it was my (unconscious) choice to absorb the criticism.

So, in closing, I'm stepping back from Facebook. I'm not coming off completely but I no longer plan to impose my actions, feelings, beliefs, values or opinions – misguided or otherwise – on my Facebook friends.

(Thank goodness I still have this blog, eh? :-))

Sunday Summary Monday Missive

Hello to you!

Yes, 'fraid your weekly dose of Bethy's Brain Deposits has been shunted back a day but good things come to those who wait, n'est-ce pas, especially if you've been observing Lent and yesterday was the first day in two months that chocolate has entered your digestive system...

Anyway.

This week (and a bit), I have mostly been...

Reading | The Trial (still)

The clue to the ease of reading of this novel is in the title...

Finishing | The End of Everything

An enjoyable yarn, though everything fell into place around Evie's disappearance much too easily; and Evie's family needn't have got the police involved at all because Evie's best friend Lizzie was apparently psychic enough to dream and sense Evie's fate and whereabouts. Or something. Still, I recommend The End of Everything as well as Dare Me, Abbott's catty cheerleader novel which reads a little like Bring it On Gone Bad. But in a good way.

Watching | Frozen

and Untouchable

Both very different films. Both superb. I don't need to roll out the plot intricacies of Frozen for your good selves, do I. ;-) It did remind me greatly of Return to Oz in parts -- the frozen landscapes, Sven the reindeer/the Gump, the lavishness of Elsa's/Mombi's palace..., Marshmallow/the Nome King...

And my heart belongs to Olaf the snowman. Sven's cute 'n' all, but Olaf won me over. (Closely followed by Oaken.)

Untouchable is something else. Based on a true story and a true friendship, it focuses on the unlikely friendship and mutual respect of two very different men: millionaire Philippe, paralysed in a skydiving accident, and his reluctant new live-in carer, Driss. It's French, subtitled, and its lead man, Francois Cluzet has more than a touch of Dustin Hoffman about him. It's also charming, funny, and has a delicious soundtrack by Ludovico Einaudi, one of my favourite contemporary composers. Win-win.

Also watching | Vimeo shorts

These ones caught my discerning, short-film-loving eye (those Vimeo staff have good taste):

 
Les Pyramides d'Égypte from Kheops Pyramides on Vimeo.



Still Life from ZANDRAK on Vimeo.


Returning | to Facebook

All right so maybe I did clock up my first live post in seven weeks at 8am on Easter Morning, as if I couldn't wait to break the Lenten fast. The post simply said Happy Easter -- I didn't try to encapsulate seven weeks in one post, don't you worry. What would be the point of that, eh?

And it was lovely to be welcomed back onto the platform! While my FB Fast may not have been the most enlightening move a person has ever made on a journey through Lent, it has given me some much-needed perspective. As has deleting every post and almost every photo I've posted in seven long FB years. I just don't need to be that present on Facebook any more.

And yes, admittedly, there is a dreg of truth in this meme:

but I see nothing excessively self-indulgent in making a pinboard of one's aesthetic pleasures. We're appreciating the inherent beauty and creativity in the world -- is how I justify spending hours poring over another 'Nostalgia from the 1980s' board that has somehow managed to unlock a gallon of suppressed memories. 

Some more welcome than others.

{Stuff of NIGHTMARES.}

And now... for your Weekly Weblinks

Following on from last week's post on 4WAAF {Four Weddings and a Funeral}, BBC Radio 4's 'The Reunion' programme focused on the film in this broadcast

Hesperus Press reveal plans for new-look Little Women 

University of Leeds' flummoxing restaurant signage

Baz Lurhmann's stage production of Strictly Ballroom opens in Sydney, as reported by a journalist who needs to work on their fact-checking skills... [I would still see this, especially to witness The Flying Doctors' own Robert Grubb as Barry Fife...]

The BBC's new adaptation of Daphne Du Maurier's Jamaica Inn begins tonight -- here, and here (for a special BBC blog feature)

And finally...

I'm in love with Mini Moderns and their Dungeness-themed furnishings -- check out their Look Book here

C'est tout -- a la prochaine...

Contemplation: Anti-Social Media

[Disclaimer: Some of the comments contained within this post fall under the category "Stating the blinkin' obvious". Disclaimer to the disclaimer: I'm a little bit slow in coming to the realisations most people came to years ago.

Warning: Contains a good few e-cards gleaned from Pinterest.]

Today, to spice things up a bit, I drafted this post from the cosy confines of Costa Coffee. Years ago when I was drafting my first novel (the one I sent off to four agents and for which I had four rejections but I’m not dwelling, it was an experience!), I spent countless hours in that very spot (by the plug socket and beneath the fiercest of air-con vents) looking out on the world Redhill.

Anyway, this is all fairly inconsequential but as with most thoughts that pass through the cotton-wool-ball that is my brain I felt fit to overshare it.

This past week I made the somewhat spurious Lenten promise to abstain from having a live presence on Facebook. No status updates, no posts on friends’ Walls, no Liking, no Sharing.

{...Yeah.}

Coming off Facebook is a fairly fluffy Lenten promise to make, I admit. Giving up chocolate would have been more straightforward but so cliché. But the FB abstinence does serve a purpose.

On a good few occasions in the last seven years of me being on the aforementioned Social Network, people have alluded to a family member that they know 'everything' about my life from Facebook.

When this happened most recently, in defiant, defensive response I promptly altered the privacy of my Wall posts, and set about beginning to remove my Facebook footprint.

For me, Facebook serves a small handful of purposes: 

1. It keeps me in touch with family and friends living in the Antipodes or other far-flung places (such as East Sussex, or Reading); 2. It keeps me involved in daft banter with the people I see more regularly, especially my rock choir friends. This does of course seem slightly gratuitous when I see those beauties every Tuesday night (and sometimes we do post to each other while we’re in the same church hall, pews away from each other... naughty naughty...) but it makes me feel part of a little group; 3. As a single lady living alone, it keeps me from feeling completely isolated. (And even my witty repartee with myself runs dry occasionally. No, really it does.) 

But I have come to realise I don’t need to relate to all of my Facebook friends at any one time.

* Incidentally, nobody knows everything about my life. A few people know a lot (!), a lot of people know a bit.

...I admit I may have overshared in the past. Shocker.

{...Well, this is awkward.}

I’ve certainly been Negativity Nellie and Moaning Minnie on the Book of Face (especially where a certain train company is concerned). But in the process of deleting my Facebook footprint**, I found posts from six, seven years ago that I don’t remember writing. Excessive tiredness, work-related frustration, the contraction of various lurgs, contemplations over breakfast, and the regular need for a cheeky vino were all prevalent in my statuses: 

{OK, that's 2007/10-era QB told!}

I read these posts back with the benefit of hindsight and think now, what was their purpose? Who truly needed to know every last facet of my life? And besides, who wanted to? Personne.

{Guilty as charged.}

More recently I have tried to restrict my posts to short, and hopefully moderately comical, utterances, with the occasional sharing of the outcome of a BuzzFeed quiz, or a Goodreads review, or a photo of a grammar fail or a camel, but again I find myself reading back and thinking, who cares?

Yo, QB, read up:

If people truly want to know what’s happening in my microcosm of a life, they'll ask. (Or, they could read this blog. I’m making no apologies for the quirky brunette; this is my platform!) 

I am currently more vocal on Twitter but that 140-character limit keeps my diatribe to a minimum. (And, Pete J, @quirkybrunette is indeed my Twitter handle! :-) )

Just before I signed off from Facebook for Lent, I received a comment from a friend asking if coming off Facebook would cause me pain.

A good question and fair.

Hmm, no, not in the sense that coming off wine, chocolate and coffee caused me pain six years ago when I gave all three up for Lent. The timing of this decision coincided with my father’s sixtieth birthday/retirement party, for which I was stone-cold sober, declining birthday cake and falling asleep on the sofa around midnight. (Sorry, Pa QB, I’ll try harder to be more fun for your seventieth!)

I came off Facebook entirely -- deactivated the account, the whole kit and caboodle -- a couple of years ago for Lent. This time I haven't deactivated my account, I'm still aware of friends' goings-on, and still using the personal messaging function -- but I think that may defeat the object***.

Another friend (because despite my prevalence on Facebook I occasionally interact with people IRL!) also asked me how I'd cope given I'm one of the most prolific Facebookers she knows. 

That is a worry! And also another good question.

This Facebook abstinence has made me reconsider my online presence.

Am I a bad friend if for the next six weeks I don't press Like, or comment, on your posts or photos (even though I love them in real life)? I hope not.

***And am I a hypocrite for keeping my account active, using the PM function, and yet not leaving any trace of my being on my Wall or anyone else's? OK, I suspect, yes -- seems a bit creepy now I come to think of it. Big Sister is watching you.

** Incidentally, unless one installs some sort of script to one's browser, it is nigh-on impossible and very time-consuming to remove all past statuses, which is a lesson in itself. Still, I'm working my way through them gradually. And boring myself rigid in the process.

So from hereon in I plan to self-edit on Facebook much more. And that's a promise.

(I make no such promises about this blog, though.)

qb xx

Midsummer Blog Crisis

How is it a whole month passes between blog posts?!?

I know I've tried to reinvent this blog a few times since I launched it, and I really think I need to do this again. I don't know why I've become so slack in posting... or perhaps I do. Perhaps I don't think that anything I could write on here is new, or of any real interest to anyone but me. I don't live a truly stagnant life -- they let me out sometimes (!) but I'm more prone to Instagram those moments, photograph them and share them on Facebook than blog about them. And perhaps that's where I'm going wrong.

I'm also hugely inspired a lot of the time by what I see, hear, taste, smell... but I never quite get around to encapsulating those things in blog form. I follow a whole host of blogs and I admire every one of those bloggers for their regularity and consistency in blogging and then I wonder why I can't pull my finger out and do the same.

So, I need to step back and rediscover my POV, my aesthetic, as it were.

Bear with. Please.